My Personal Story
Before I share some of my thoughts about my life and finding this work, I'd like to say that I'm not fond of my name(my last name in particular), due to what kind of person my father is and the fact that my name was chosen by other people (and I am not particularly fond of any of my relatives) and I will change it in the future. For now, I call myself Alex.
I've always had an interest in the mysteries of existence, either because I didn't like many things in my life, so it made me daydream a lot or because I got sucked in all these thoughts thanks to some interesting pieces of cinema or because I am quite shy and don't engage in any groups of people my age or any gathering events, because of all the pressure and expectations.
By the way, I am currently (March, 2021) 18 years old and am living in Saint-Petersburg, Russia if these facts are of any interest to anyone.
So, growing up in this gloomy place full of mean and ignorant people (that is not say I am a good person, I am not), I often felt better when I played video games (mostly combat based, violent ones) and watched animated or other kinds of movies, this kind of escape worked good on me; all those realities often seemed much safer and more engaging than real life; plus they made me feel powerful and in control of my life, which is not true at all.
So called adults always made me feel guilty and humiliated, always made me do things that are not a part of me in any way. Of course to not sink into depression I convinced myself that it's all fine, that I am wrong or that those in control of my life, that their actions are justifiable. Not that I didn't rebel, eventually.
Before I started to proclaim myself as a person of my own, there was a period of several years (about 2015-2018) when I completely lost myself and convinced myself of all sorts of nonsense to get valued by my relatives or my peers. I started to once again hang around my manipulative, gaslighting and aggressive father, who was playing his fake caring persona act... that is up until I started to do what he didn't like... and it's always like this with my relatives, but no one comes close to this asshole, who turned me into everything I now hate and despise and go against.
When my mother divorced him about 11 years ago and we came living with my grandma and my mother's sister, this psycho stalked us all the time and banged on the door on multiple occassions(though I somehow temporarily blocked out those memories).
Anyway, my rebellion shows its roots in early 2018 with my decision to not get haircuts anymore against everybody's will, I have seen many brave, clever, good looking men in all kinds of cool movies and video games and I just couldn't stand looking in the mirror at this hive-minded typical looking person. I started to grow my hair and will never look back on those days when it wasn't like it now and will be in the future. For me, not only is hair a vital way of self expression and showing independance, it also makes everyone look better and more unique, individual.
I decided to dress in a more personalised way and have my own interests instead of those presented in pop culture; got rid of my smartphone and instead now have an older looking phone with buttons in order to live in reality and talk and listen to people when I am outside the apartment I live in. I didn't want anything to do with the social media and its culture anymore, so I deleted my accounts and will never look back to this addictive generator of excessive pride.
Then my insurgent journey got more real, too real for this world I guess... In November 2018, with tons of scandals, I stopped going to school, so I didn't graduate from there. I just couldn't stand all this brain washing and conformation and the popularity and acceptance conquest; I remember turning from almost straight A-s to one of the worst pupils in a matter of a couple years. I would ditch the school by going to my grandma's appartment or walking for hours in probably the only beautiful city in this country, the historical part of Saint-Petersburg, where I am very lucky to live.
So, back to the November of 2018; for less than 2 months I lived with who I now recognise as an emotional and maybe even physical abuser, my biological father, who I thought at the time was more accepting of my decisions than the rest of the family unit I was born into...By the time I started to open my mind I was in a deep mess, but managed to make him drive me to my grandma's place by calling my mother. Then for months i was living in fear of him, while having to answer his manipulative messages all the time and having to go with him to fix my braces every now and then..I sweared to never ever talk to him or have any sort of relationship with him.
Feeling unprotected and suicidal I distracted myself by escaping into virtual worlds of interactive experiences and visual tales (it sounds more mature and respectful to me than games and movies); I also searched for the meaning of it all. Then, on a rainy night in June of 2019, after having failed to kill myself, I finally told my mother about the state I was in, and to my relief, she and my stepfather were fine with me returning to live with them.
Shortly after, I stumbled upon a book called Human Reality Who We Are and Why We Exist, it's bold name intrigued me as I was actively searching for the meaning of life... I wanted to know why I existed, since I was often feeling some sort of existential dread, because I didn't know what comes after death and why there is something instead of nothing in the first place (before finding the book I was turning to nihilism). The book changed my entire perspective and made my rebellion against this world and all it believes in much more real.
I already didn't agree with the way families functioned or this obsession to create unhealthy romantic relationships they call "being in love" or how society puts pressure on you to conform to gender norms or with WWII propaganda here in post Soviet area and how religion makes people praise someone above themselves and how we're always trying to be accepted by someone instead of followiing our own path and being a badass lone wolf or something like this... but this book answered so many questions, cleared out so much. It made me feel so at peace with everything during those summer nights I would read it. It turned out to not be complete truth as I later found out, so I am anticipating the full draft of The Dream of Mortal Life book.
By September I stopped answering my father's messages, then I stopped reading them, but I once again felt unprotected and suicidal as I still had to fix the braces with him; then I refused to sit in his car and listen to his nonsense and for the last couple of times I had to go to the dentist, I did so myself, even though I was scared of his reaction to this. Finally, in the beginning of February of 2020 I was free from having to meet with this monster - my braces for which he paid with his criminally earned money were taken off. Never again will I take anything from him, be it money, presents or compliments, all of which he does for self gain and to accommodate my personality to his liking(as well as other relatives of mine, but they wouldn't stalk me if I no longer wanted anything to do with them and they are certainly more in control of their egocentric desires).
Now, before I go into more pleasant parts of my life, I'd like to write a few more words about my father: he still stalks me through calling and messaging and even trying to meet me in the streets, which he recently succeded to do, but I managed to push him and run back home, without looking him in the eyes and saying a single word, of course he played his fake kind public persona... And it doesn't help that my mom still talks to him and doesn't listen to me or that I met two of his friends throughout last year and had to explain to one of them that I am a different person, on a different path now.... but enough about the bad stuff!
From February to August of last year was the best time of my life, it's not bad now too, but I decided to face the reality of things in this world and my life in particular much more than I did before, and it turns out it's all much worse than I'd like to believe. Besides, I still don't work or have a place of my own, so I'm a bit afraid of my mother and stepfather losing patience as I get to be free from job and live in their place on my own for 1,5 years (they live in another apartment of theirs). I really don't like the way people are here, I'd rather not go out if I could. I like being on my own, all I am interested in I can find through the internet. Though I do feel guilty looking at those working people and some day, whether I like it or not, I will work too.
So, more about me and this work.
Eventually, after reading Human Reality, in the latter part of 2019 came series of doubts when I found videos with Chris and that Harry dude who made a critical presentation of the work; considering that at that time (2012-2013 and prior) all the other books were religious and Christopher's name was on them instead of anonymous, there were a couple of months when I thought that I had found yet another religious sect (I was almost always against religion and the way it controlled people, especially seeing and hearing my religious aunt and having been physically forced to being baptised at the age of ten, I think), but luckily, in December of that year I found the audio version of True History of Religion, now signed "The Real Illuminati", I'm into this kind of esoteric stuff, so I gave it a go and it sounded pretty reasonable and clear to me and then I read a draft of Christopher's autobiography in January 2020 and followed the RI's blog back then and it all became much clearer and more understood about the religious subtext earlier.
At the same time, to my surprise there was also the Humanity Party, also by RI that claimed to be able to solve worldwide poverty and make the basic necessities of life free of charge for everybody, so later I watched a couple of videos, read a couple of posts and it seemed to me that this could be a real deal.
Think about it, even if it all came from Christopher's head and there are no immortal androgynous guys, who've been around for billions of years and there are no advanced humans, the message of Marvelous Work and a Wonder and it's information is the greatest thing humanity could implement that I know of (and please don't judge me based on my younger age).
I've had wonderful times listening to Chris on Coffee with Chris shows and his posts definitely open your mind.
The truth shall set you free indeed.
And a further proof of the authenticity of this work is this: it's all free of charge.
Many of you here know each other for years, but you only saw me for a couple of minutes last month on Coffee with Chris and yes, I do lack confidence.
I also believe the RI's information helped me control my eating and sexual urges and the urge to be impatient and angry in general, though I have a lot of work to do on those. I consider self control an important thing for maintaining the feeling of peace and for respecting others, I even decided to not be controlled by jokes and humor as much and instead prefer a calm state of mental clarity. I think humor could be a good thing, but in this world it's not healthy at all, in my opinion; dark humor being a good example.
Seriously, just read the books: The Ri's Trilogy, Human Reality and The Dream of Mortal Life yourself in case you didn't, but want to know more about all of the world's problems and how to solve them, human nature, religion and, generally speaking, about who we are and why we exist.
My last note in this personal story of mine would be a darker one: to be fully honest with you all, I am still considering to end my life because of all the people and pressure around me. And the only reason I am here is because I have no access to a painless and quick way to do it, so since I'm stuck here for a while, I thought: why not make my support public and my story available to everybody instead of sending personal messages to the RI's mail. Besides, maybe my story could help you somehow.
I wish you all to be on the path of "Recognising the Power of the Self as the Only True God"(Chapter 16, The Dream of Mortal Life).
Contact me via email, if you want to.
Aleksey Seryakov, "Alex"