MY STORY OF RELIGION AND HOW I FOUND THE MARVELOUS WORK AND A WONDER: I was born on August 23 1973 in Jacksonville, North Carolina into a Mormon LDS family. I am the middle child of 7 siblings. My dad was born in North Carolina and my mom was born in St.George Utah. My parents have always been kind and mild. Us kids on the other hand have always been a bunch of hellions.
Lets get into it!!! I have always been very shy, so much so that if I were pressured to any degree I would always do whatever it took to get out or away from the situation. I have never liked being told what to do. I can remember many instances of LDS leaders and peers pressuring me to participate in this religion in some way or another. Most of the time I just didn’t talk or I would shrug my shoulders when asked a question or prompted to do something at church. I would rarely sing in primary or sacrament and would only move my lips. I would rarely say a prayer or read a scripture and I have never given a talk or bore my testimony EVER! My face has turned red so many times from embarrassment from being put on the spot. Why did everyone in church want me to participate so much?
I can remember my shyness being so extreme that sometimes if I could not get out of whatever I was asked to do I would get angry. Out of my anger I would react negatively towards those people and stand my position on not wanting to do what I was asked. One example of this is when the bishop called me into his office for an interview. I believe I was to become a teacher. Through out our discussion he discovered that I had never bore my testimony before. He told me that I needed to do it before I became a teacher. It felt very threatening and “or else” to me. I asked him what should I bare my testimony about. He said about how you know Joseph Smith is a true prophet and how you know the church is true. I told him that I didn’t know if those things were true. How am I supposed to bare my testimony if I don’t have one! This seemed to have shocked him a bit.
Anyways, I never liked to be challenged to do things that make me uncomfortable. When people would sometimes challenge others to do something like bear their testimony or pray I would often get called out. On a pioneer trek youth conference once we all gathered together for a testimony service and I got challenged at least a dozen times, it seemed to be everyone’s goal to get me to do it but instead I got mad and just left.
Somewhere in my young teens I started to really rebel against the church. I remember pretending to be asleep or sick when my family was getting ready for church and it made my father so mad, hahaha. No matter what he did I just wouldn't move and continued to pretend to be asleep. Eventually my family left for church and I would have the whole house to myself...aww those were the days. The shyness I had as a child continued into my teenage years and a lot of my church experiences was much of the same as far as not wanting to participate in church service or activities and my attendance was progressively less and less as time went on.
In my older teenage years I just simply quit going to church and I would only attend every once in awhile due to peer pressure or to receive the next level of the priesthood which I would not have done if it wasn’t for all the pressure on me to progress in the church. I only partook of those things because I was forced into it. I would actually go to a lot of Wednesday night youth activities as an older teen but not to Sunday service. This rebellion went on into my early 20s and at this point I had very little to do with the church. There were only a few times from my early teens through my 20s that I actually tried to be a good boy and live the LDS gospel but I failed every time...I just didn't get it!!!
I started dating a girl at 20 years old and eventually married her when I was 23. We got married in the temple and after that I have only been to 2 temple services. Six months after our temple marriage I would once again fail to be a good boy and member. That was the last time that I would try to understand and attend the LDS church. After that I was pretty much a jack Mormon (inactive). My wife was not happy with me about this for the longest time but I will not say anymore about that so that I don't expose anything about her.
The years went on and nothing changed for the next 22 years which would make me 45 years old (2018). The LDS church concepts and teachings were still lingering on my mind, especially as I got older. At this point I should state that I have never read any scriptures of any kind except the book of revelations which I only read because I heard a talk about it once somewhere and I wanted to read it for myself which was just before I got married…that book scared the shit out of me and I didn’t understand it either. In 2018 something came over me one day and I just felt that I should know for myself once and for all what I believed because I had no idea if I believed in anything, I was just in limbo.
Maybe it is just old age when one starts to think about life and what it’s all about. I'm not very good at reading so I knew that I would not read any scriptures which were too hard for me to read anyways, so I searched for an audio book of the bible and I found the LDS gospel library. I would spend the next year listening to the BOM and New Testament several times, except for the old testament and I also listened to general conference talks. I started to notice many inconsistencies with the teachings of the good books compared to the teachings of the LDS church. I still could not make any sense out of any of it though.
I considered giving the church one more try but I knew that there were too many flaws. I thought about how the scriptures talk about praying for the truth so I started to do that instead. I have always had a lot of trouble with prayer because I have never had any prayer answered in my entire life!!! At this point in my life many different members of my family on mine and my wife's side were having trouble with religion. Some were inactive and some were out of it completely and still are today. However there started to be a buzz again with certain family members about religion and they were having discussions about getting back into the church. I did not want to go down that road again so I stuck with my praying for truth theory. First of all I didn't even know how to pray properly if there was even such a way but I remember reading somewhere to pray with a broken heart and contrite spirit and with all my heart, might, mind and strength.
I didn't know how to do that so I spent the next couple of months contemplating what that meant. When I finally felt ready I just laid in my bed in a dark room and started to pray not knowing what I might say. My prayer was NOT going well, I didn't feel anything. I thought well this sucks I was trying my best to do everything right and still nothing!!! I really expected an answer, a feeling, something. Why was I not getting anything? I got kinda mad at myself, I became angry at god, I became angry at whomever came up with all this prayer shit!!! I guess I sort of had a personal revelation from myself to challenge god, so I made a deal with god. I told god that I didn't know what the truth is, I don't understand religion's, I didn't know what to do, so here's the deal. (Me speaking to god as I remember it)...Because I have confessed to you (god) that I do not know what the truth is and I cannot trust the arm of flesh even my own mind then I cannot be held responsible for my failures in getting it wrong. If you (god) want me to be a part of the correct thing whatever that is then you will have to tell me yourself. I will do nothing unless it is revealed to me from an outside source. I will do and obey whatever that is (which was the most difficult thing I have ever agreed to in my life) nothing more and nothing less. I repeated it a couple more times to make sure that god understood me than I ended my prayer.
At this point I considered the matter of god, religions and any other thing out of my hands!!! I had done everything that I knew how to do to find the truth and I felt content with that. It was literally 2 or 3 days later as I was watching YouTube and something popped up in my feed about the sealed portion of the BOM. A lady named Ida Smith whom I have never heard of before was talking about her life and experiences finding the sealed portion of the BOM. There were quite a few videos of her in an interview she did I guess. I think the videos were all from the same interview but they had been broken up into segments. I only watched 2 different segments which were out of order and when I got time away from work again I was excited to watch the rest of them but they were gone and I could not find them again. Around that time I found a video from a James R. where he talked a little bit about his experience with the Sealed Portion.
I was very curious about this book so I did a search on the internet for the sealed portion and a lot of nonsense showed up but I weeded through it and found either the Marvelous Work and a Wonder website or the Something Something United website (sorry, I can’t remember the name of that one). I found the sealed portion pdf along with 4 other books so I downloaded them all to my phone. I was very intrigued with the 666 Revelations Revealed book. I just had to read that book first because of how much the book of revelations scared me. I read the 666 book twice, then the Human Reality book followed by the Joseph Smith book, Sacred not Secret and then the sealed portion. Probably in that order because the Sealed Portion book is really large.
I still had questions about where all of this came from even though somewhere in my readings it said something about who these individuals were and that they were basically the 3 nephites from the book of Mormon and Jon the beloved from the Bible. These books made sense to me and I was thirsty and hungry for more but I couldn’t find anything. It was like everything had gone quiet for awhile. So I just held on to what I had learned and keep reading them over and over again. Somewhere in the early 2020s I discovered some new websites the Real Illuminati and the Humanity Party. The Real Illuminati has taught me everything that I have ever wanted to know about human existence and has left none of my questions unanswered and the Humanity Party has all of the solutions to all of humanities problems. I truly believe this and would encourage anyone reading this story of mine to search this information for yourself and decide for yourself what you want to believe in.
Thank you all for reading my little story. Feel free to reach out to me anytime, thank you.