Chapter 16: Temperament

Before we continue on chronologically (in a way that follows the order in which events in my life actually occurred) it’s important for Grandpa to address what caused him to want to hit his best friend in the face while we were playing basketball for our Army team at the Defense Language Institute. And also, what caused me to react the way that I did—with great remorse and more compassion—after I had lost my composure.

Temperament: noun, a person’s nature, especially as it permanently affects their behavior. Synonyms: disposition, nature, character, personality, makeup, constitution, complexion, temper, mind, spirit, stamp, mettle, mold, mood, frame of min, cast of mind, bent, tendency, attitude, outlook, grain, humor.

Ever since I can remember, as far back in my childhood as I can, I had a temper (a part of one’s temperament) that was a knee jerk reaction that was completely opposite of my normal temperament as a kind, nice, relaxed, and a pretty funny little dude.

A knee jerk reaction is best defined as:

“an immediate unthinking emotional response produced by an event or statement to which the reacting person is highly sensitive; – in persons with strong feelings on a topic, it may be very predictable.”

I do not lose my temper easily. In fact, I could probably think hard about it and recount each time during my life, even as a child, that I lost my temper. But the fact is, I did lose my temper as a child, I did as an aged child (adult), and even did a few times after my transfiguration in 1987. Although I didn’t write about how and when I lost my temperament (i.e., losing your temper) as a child, I will try to include the times that I did as an adult as I proceed with the chronological order of my autobiography.

Everyone loses control of their natural temperament by having an immediate unthinking emotional response to something that triggers the emotion that can result in a physical manifestation of anger, frustration, or even violence. But only a very few people have a reaction to the temper tantrum that results in a deep sense of regret and more compassion to the victim[s]. Most people justify their temper and consider their response of anger, frustration, or even violence as appropriate reaction to something that their victims did to them.

I have never justified anything that I have done when I lost my temper. Never. In each case, as was the case when I wanted to punch my basketball friend in the face, I felt great remorse and an overwhelming feeling of compassion for the victim of my anger, frustration, or violence.

As Grandpa wrote, after the incident with my friend, I went into a deep introspection (the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes) that isolated me and caused me pain and remorse for even having the ability to want to harm another person.

It was while I was still doing this introspection that I met the man in the bathroom who basically told me to become the best member of the LDS/Mormon Church that I could possibly become. And Grandma Paula can attest that it was at this time that my mental and emotional processes made an abrupt change and I started becoming a religious fanatic.

I wanted to become Christ-like.

I was taught that Christ would never justify his temper, which he obviously had (consider when he cleared the temple of the moneychangers), but would show a greater amount of compassion for those whom were his victims.

The Lord would testify of this through scripture:

“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—Reproving betimes with sharpness [i.e, losing your temper], when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; ” (Doctrine and Covenants 121: 41-44.)

My introspection then did not help me understand the fact as to why I had the potential of harming another person by losing my temper, even after my extraordinary transfiguration.

But with the knowledge that I received about our true natures as advanced humans, playing the game of mortal life, on June 16, 1987, and after speaking to my mother many years later, I finally knew why I had a temper. And more importantly, why I was one of the few who never justified losing it and causing another harm, but would always show “forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast [lost thy temper].”

The scripture verse that set up the above explanation of how the Lord wants us to treat others after we have rebuked them, sets a clue about the difference between my father and me:

“We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion. Hence many are called, but few are chosen.” (Verse 40.)

This statement was in reference to LDS/Mormon men whom were “called” to God’s holy priesthood. My dad was “called” just like I was. But, “we have learned by sad experience (my father yelling in my face and then trying to get me arrested in Snohomish, Washington) that my father’s “nature and disposition”—because he “supposed” that he had the righteous priesthood authority as the patriarch of the Nemelka family to do so—caused him to lose his temper and “exercise unrighteous dominion.”

My father might have been “called” like “almost all men”, but unfortunately for him and “almost all men,” I was the one who was actually “chosen.” I was the one who had the “pure knowledge, [that] greatly enlarge [my] soul without hypocrisy, and without guile,” which was directly responsible for how I reacted to my temper that I had inherited from my father.

I wrote previously that you each have 1/4 of Grandpa’s brain. I showed a couple pictures of my mother and me when we were about the same age. I look more like my mother than any of my other siblings. When my physical body began to form in her womb, it had the blueprints for building my body that were provided by my father and my mother. A current mortal body would not be able to form unless it had instructions on how to form. Every part of my body came from instructions taken from the same part of my mother’s or father’s established blueprints for that particular part—including my brain.

During my entire life, including after my transfiguration, there is only one thing that makes my skin crawl, that I cannot bear to hear, see, and especially not touch: creasing paper with your fingers. I can scratch a chalkboard, hear anything else scrap or rub against itself or any other material, but I cannot stand it when another person creases a piece of paper between their fingers. And it is impossible for me to do it myself … ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE!

Over the years I have isolated myself away from everyone with a piece of paper and told myself how stupid it was that I could not crease it. But no matter how hard I concentrated, I could never do it … NEVER! Someone could offer me a million dollars to just crease the paper, and I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Yeah, I know. Weird, huh? But oh so true.

Finally, after so many years of this weirdness, I finally asked my mother,

“Mom, do you recall a time in my life when I cut my finger really bad on some paper or something else that causes me to hate it when someone creases paper?”

Her eyes widened and she exclaimed, “I can’t either! I’ve never been able to, and neither can Jo-Jo.” (“Jo-Jo” is short for Jordyn, who is my sister Alesa’s second daughter.)

To my knowledge, my mother, me, and Jo-Jo are the only ones in our family that have this weird mental issue. There you have it. Three generations of empirical evidence that certain mental traits are passed on through the process of sexual DNA transfer that results in the formation of a new body that can live upon Earth.

And my temper? I got it from my father.

But there’s a huge difference between my dad and me when it comes to how we feel after losing our temper. My dad justifies his actions as appropriate. As I have said, I do not and never have.

My father lost his temper in March of 1990, in Snohomish, Washington, when he got into my face, red-faced and all, almost punching me, screaming, “You’re not a prophet, you’re not Abinadi, you’re not Hyrum Smith, you’re not anybody! Your Christopher Nemelka!”

Since four-year old Joshua was scared to death and holding on to my leg while his beloved grandfather was threatening me in a way that Joshua had never seen, my dad didn’t push me down or hit me. Had he, I would have still reacted like I did. I would never hit my father back. I have never lost my temper in front of my father. I smiled and told my dad to pack up his stuff and leave. He did. He returned a few days later with the Snohomish County Sheriff to have me arrested and thrown in jail. IF THAT’S NOT UNRIGHTEOUS DOMINION … I don’t know what is.

My father had plenty of time to settle down and realize that what he done to me by losing his temper and confronting me, was wrong. But he justified everything that he did, including trying to have me arrested. As I explained, as a father I could have never in a billion, billions, billions of years done that to my own son. But my father could. And that would not be the only thing that he would do, which events will be presented chronologically hereafter.

My father has never apologized for anything that he has done to me. He has justified all of his actions because he believes that he holds the priesthood of God and I do not. He would become an LDS/Mormon Bishop but would never see his “unrighteous dominion” as unrighteous … because he was not “chosen” to have the “pure knowledge” like his third son was.

Here is another event that happened that might shed more light on the difference between my father’s response to losing his temper and my own.

After returning from mission, before getting married to Paula, our family was living in a two-bedroom apartment in Salt Lake City, Utah. I have no clue why my father moved us out of our home into an apartment, but it didn’t matter to me. I had always followed my father wherever he had us live, or I would live wherever he wanted me to live.

My kid sister, Alesa, was involved with a guy named Brian Rieger. I don’t know all the details, but what I gathered is that they were dating, she didn’t want to date Brian any longer, and he kidnapped Alesa at knifepoint. Alesa got away … don’t know the details to that either, or how the police got involved. Brian Rieger was wanted by the police for kidnapping.

Incredulously, Rieger showed up at our apartment wanting to see Alesa. I was in one of the back rooms and heard Gloria screaming for me to come and help my dad. I ran to the front room. My dad had Brian pinned up against the front door, but was out of breath and struggling. My adrenaline kicked in at the scene … and oh my fucking God Almighty and the Lord Jesus Christ combined … my strength increased beyond strong. I threw Brian to the floor like he was a tiny rag doll and held him pinned while Gloria called the police.

It must have taken the police only a few minutes to get there. But while holding him down, I saw abject (experienced or present to the maximum degree) fear and confusion in Brian’s eyes. I saw another mother’s little boy looking back at me. I wanted to let him go and tell him to leave my sister alone and never come back. My heart melted for the guy. I felt intense compassion for him, beyond any compassion that I had ever felt for another human being up to that point in my life.

The police came. One of the officers forced his knee into Brian’s back and pushed Brain’s neck to the ground with his hand while he handcuffed Brian. I watched very little else and returned to my room where I cried … not for Alesa, not for my dad, but for that man whom I saw at that time as a scared little boy. It was an incredible experience that I will never forget.

I don’t know what happened to Brian Rieger. But I do know that he was in love with my sister and had come over to the house, knocked on the door, and simply wanted to speak with her and tell her that he meant her no harm. But my priesthood-holding “righteous” father lost his temper and justified what he did to Brian, and what the police would do to Brian, just like he justified everything that he would do to me in the future.

What were these knee jerk reactions of abject pain, sorrow, remorse, and increased compassion that I felt for victims of the abuse of my temperament?

Yeah, I have a temper, and it will always be a part of my mortal brain because of my father. Yeah, I cannot crease a piece of paper to this day, and I will never be able to crease a piece of paper, because of my mother.

But why do I react to losing my temper so differently than my parents?

This answer can be found in understanding the Real Truth about who we are and why we exist.

In order for the Real YOU to have a new experience of an advanced existence that is experienced in a realm or dimension of reality other than the one in which the Real YOU has always existed, another person who exists in the new world (or dimension of cognitive interaction, i.e., a dream state) must create a body for you. You cannot simply enter in by yourself, because if you knew already how to deal with your new body and the new experience … it wouldn’t be new.

Those who exist on the planet where our first dream character or new avatar or new Self starts the new experience, are always made aware that someone wants to start playing the game. These advanced parents, who are always female, have the knowledge, technology, and the means to create a new advanced body, according to their specifications, but always asexual. Sex plays no part in the creation of an advanced human body. A male is simply not needed … to bad for the Brigham Youngites who want to believe that Heavenly Father fucks a lot of women in order to create a lot spirit children. Dudes, you’re never going to become this type of Heavenly Father because no such being exists … never has, never will, worlds upon end. Do you want some empirical evidence of this?

Here ya go, ye polygamist sexual predators, you:

In the near future, science will finally figure out how to create a perfect human body by taking the DNA of two people, or one person (cloning), and starting the division of the female’s egg that can produce a body. Further technology will include the ability of a person[s] to choose certain traits, and through advanced bioengineering, create a body. All this is done asexually.

And finally, women won’t have to ruin their bodies by having a huge-ass head forced out of their expanded vagina, which is a pain that no man could handle. In fact, at the time of this writing, cloning is real and could be done very easily to create new human bodies if it wasn’t for one thing: FUCKING RELIGION … yeah, no slip here … religions where men need to fuck women and use religion to induce women into thinking that men are needed in order fuck to have kids.

Yeah, women, if you haven’t already figured it out, no man is going to spend his money on you, give you half of his shit, and make you part of his life unless you put out.

Priesthood authority gives otherwise physically undesirable men something of value that religious women are convinced is needed in order for the women to make it to heaven. What a fucking ruse in order to get sex … but we’ll deal with this subject later as Grandpa explains how he had sex with women, for their sake, and not his. Well, it’s true, anytime I had an orgasm, regardless of the woman I was with, it physically felt good. But emotionally, it usually left me feeling bad.

The Real Truth is, I emotionally exploited a few woman, usually because I felt that it was in their best interests, only to cause the women more pain than what they would have felt had I refrained from having sex with them.

But Grandkids, please look at the reality of what I did. If I had not done this, none of you would be here.

Had I not exploited Grandma Paula’s youth and sexuality, and her desire to leave her overburdening mother and be with me, Brittany and Joshua would not exist. Had I not exploited Jackie’s incredible mother skills for the sake of taking care of Brittany and Joshua, after Grandma Paula gave up legal custody to me and I decided not to bring Alicia Olexen to the United States in the early part of 1987, Brandon, Caleb, and Sariah wouldn’t be here.

I legally divorced Grandma Jackie in 1992 so that I could exploit Grandma Marcee and Grandma Vicky legally. If I had divorced Jackie and let her go in 1992, because I didn’t love her as a man should, Ryan wouldn’t exist. And if I had not exploited Jackie’s, Marcee’s, and Vicky’s staunch religious beliefs in the sanctity and saving nature of plural marriage (as taught by Brigham Young), Riley, Rachael, and Nathan would not exist.

I’ve been called a lot of things by my enemies and critics. I’ve been called a sexual predator, a pedophile, a terrorist, a fraudster, a deceiver, a manipulator, even a murderer. But not one of these things is true. If any were, I would have been arrested a long time ago, because all of these things are illegal. My enemies and critics tried relentlessly and tirelessly to get the authorities to investigate me and arrest me for one or all of these illegal acts. And trust me, the legal authorities do not like me any more than my accusers do. But they will find no evidence whatsoever that I have ever committed an illegal act.

If emotional predation were a crime, then there might be some cause that I have committed this crime. However, an emotional predator is one who enjoys watching or causing pain in others. I never enjoyed how women were hurt because of what I did.

Some define it,

“[Emotional predation] gives them a sense of powerfulness or importance they may not feel in other parts of their lives. In their twisted mindset the thinking would sound subconsciously like “What better way to feel important or strong than by the pain I’ve created for someone else?” or “I must be important because they’re thinking about me now!

An author published a study about the 8 Surprising Traits of Predatory People:

  1. They feel entitled.

  2. They fake emotions.

  3. They must be in control.

  4. They cannot empathize.

  5. They are personable.

  6. They act as a victim.

  7. They are never wrong.

  8. They have low self worth.

My critics and enemies will claim that Grandpa has these traits. And it might appear as I relate the events of my life that in some instances my actions resembled one or more of these traits.

But this I know for a surety, I do not have any of these traits.

Religion and those who are religious leaders are the real emotional predators. As you start to understand the Real Truth about human nature (i.e., Lucifer), you will began to see the parallels between how predators and religious leaders act.

Grandpa can take you through history, especially using the example of the Bible, and show how people are groomed by religious emotional predators until they hold their victims in such strong emotional chains of ignorance and spiritual servitude that few are able to escape.

The fact is, it’s fucking sick how the entire world has been groomed and set up by these religious emotional predators that control how a person thinks and acts and believes that it is a good thing to serve God and keep His commandments … the religious gods being the tool used by these emotional predators to control the entire world.

Who is God? What is God?

The only god that you know, Grandkids, if you believe in God, is an entity that has been introduced to you by someone else in your life.

But please, listen to Grandpa, mark my words, and live by this advice:

If you have not seen God with your own eyes, and heard God’s voice with your own ears, do not believe in any god. If your emotions are such that you are in need of something that makes you feel good about yourself and about your life, do NOT depend on another person to tell you what it is you need or what your life is all about. Emotional predators will convince you that God has told them, instead of you, what is right and wrong for you.

I know the real God. I know that God is YOU—an advanced human, equal to every other advanced human—placed in a conscious reality of your own choosing. This is God. There is no other.

You chose one of my children to be your parent, as I chose your great-grandparents to be mine. We chose these individuals based on observing their mortal existence and taking into account the physical and mental traits that had to offer us.

Incredulously, Joseph Smith made one final attempt to teach his followers this Real Truth about God in a way that was so easy to understand, albeit using his own skills as an emotional predator, that it would seem impossible to misunderstand.

In his temple endowment presentation (play), Joseph Smith introduced three separate, but equal gods contemplating creating a new world, like the ones that they had previously create, out of “unorganized matter.”

One of the gods, Michael, was put to sleep and began to dream. He awoke in his dream state as Adam. Then put asleep again, he symbolically was physically divided into the yin and yang of our natures, “seemingly contrary forces that are actually very complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.”

From Adam’s rib, came Eve. Eve would not exist without Adam, and Adam could not continue to exist as the sons of Adam without Eve. Eve acted contrary to God’s commandments in the Garden of Eden, following the enticement of her “brother,” Lucifer, who also did not exist before the god Michael was put to sleep and began to dream.

In Joseph’s play, these characters interacted while living in the “lone and dreary world,” which Joseph intended to represent this mortal existence. Having lost his self-worth from being cast out of God’s presence because he and Eve did what they had to do in order to have new experiences that would enhance their True Self … that would enhance the god Michael … Adam began to search for the meaning of his existence.

In his search for meaning, Adam pleaded with God to send messengers who knew and understood the meaning and purpose of life. But as Adam asked with sincere heart with real intent to understand, his co-gods, Elohim and Jehovah, were no where to be found.

There was only one god in the “lone and dreary world”: Lucifer.

It was Lucifer who heard and answered Adam’s sincere plea for understanding. Lucifer, the master emotional predator. Lucifer introduced religion and scripture.

Grandkids, LDS/Mormons believe that Joseph’s endowment, which has been drastically changed since its inception and from its original form, is the highest form of knowledge that they can receive, and is something that they must receive in order to be saved in heaven.

But seeing they do not see. Hearing they do not understand the significance and beauty of Joseph’s magnum opus.

The last scene of the original presentation of Joseph’s play showed the god Michael awakening from the deep sleep in which he had been placed. Upon awakening, Michael knew who he was. He was the same person who he has always been, in the worlds that the godhead had previously created, in the new world that they had created, and in many other worlds that the godhead would create in the future … worlds without end.

Your grandpa knows more about the Real Truth of our existence than any other publicly known person on this Earth. This might seem grandiose, narcissistic, sociopathic, and from an inflated sense of worth of an emotional predator of others. But there is a huge difference between Grandpa’s motive and the motives of true predators. HUGE!

Why would Grandpa want to be seen as a predator, as crazy, as a sexual predator, a pedophile, a terrorist, a fraudster, a deceiver, a manipulator, even a murderer? Why wouldn’t Grandpa use his talents, his looks, and his temperament to become someone or something that the world would see as successful, valuable, and good?

No one will ever be able to honestly say that Grandpa could not make it successfully in life, so he became an emotional predator to set himself up above others by abusing them and making them his victims. I could have done whatever I wanted in life, especially after my brain was changed as it was.

And more importantly than this,

No one will ever be able to honestly say that Grandpa used his power over others and his skill at emotional predation to do what true predators do: take advantage of others for his own gain. What have I gained from all of this?

I have lost my entire family, all my children, all my friends, any trust, respectability, and credibility for which the world has set standards. I gain no money from what I do. I do not have sex with lots of women because of what I do. But I could. I fucking could. But I don’t!

You will learn how I came to know your grandmothers (and many other people) and how I helped release them from the emotional chains that were holding them tight because of their religion. The emotional chains that held them bound were so strong that Grandpa needed to use his emotional predatory skills, that he had to be developed over time, in order for me to help them break the ones by which these people were being held in obsequious (obedient or attentive to an excessive or servile degree) servitude.

I was given “pure knowledge” in order to do this. I chose my parents and specific mental and emotional traits that each had … so that I could do this.

You cannot do what I do without the mental capacity that is required. My choice of parents bound me to the mental propensities (an inclination or natural tendency to behave in a particular way) both good and bad that each possessed. I took their bad so that I could use their good, not for the sake of Christopher Marc Nemelka, but for the sake of my True Self and the reason and purpose for which I chose to exist in this world since the beginning of time.

My father’s and my temper are the same because of our mutually shared flesh. But the way that we emotionally respond to our tempers couldn’t be more diametrically opposite.

When our True Self enters into a new experience of life as a newly created advanced human body, we connect to a physical body that has a perfect brain. Our new brain has no previous experience or memories. This new brain has no preconditioned behavioral propensities that would affect our free will and cause us to act and think in a way that wasn’t of our own choosing. For this very reason, these advanced bodies were not patterned after another person’s DNA, i.e., another person’s brain. Our new brain was clean and malleable (pliable, workable) according to our own individual free will.

As our True Self connected to this new brain, created perfectly according to the incredible knowledge and advanced technology of these advanced “mothers,” the first time we opened our eyes to see, was our very first experience of sight. The first time our new ears heard something in this new world, was our first experience of sound. Our noses and tongues had their very first experiences of smell and taste. And the thing that we felt first, the touch that became the very first sensation of connection with our new world, was the touch of a perfect mother.

With her guidance, we were allowed to first, learn how to use our new bodies, because our new brains had no previous knowledge or reference point from which to draw any experience in order to use the body, we began to explore our new world.

My mortal father’s True Self and my True Self started out the same. But our personal perception and perspective (there are those two important words again) developed differently and uniquely. Neither of our personal perceptions and perspectives was any better or worse than the other’s. They were uniquely ours. These became our different humanity types.

It was never intended for this world (Earth) to create new bodies to which our advanced True Selves could connect in order to have the experience of mortal life. When we first entered the dream of mortal life, our dream played out the only way that it could, according to the experiences that were stored in our advanced brain as newly created advanced humans. But after about 2 million of years of existing on Earth as we were supposed to exist, things got pretty complicated because of how the different humanity types chose to act and be acted upon in our mutual experience on planet Earth.

We fell from our perfect mortal natures.

Eventually, if I don’t touch upon it in this autobiography, you can read The Dream of Mortal Life, Understanding Human Reality—A Final Warning to the Human Race, for a detailed explanation of how sex began … how humanity fell to become what it is today.

And once you know the Real Truth about these things, you will begin to realize some incredible things that will help you deal with yourself and others in this life.

My father inherited his temper from his mother and father, who had inherited it from their parents, and so and so on back to the time when bodies were first created by an imperfect mortal brain passing on its genetic blueprints to create another imperfect mortal brain.

You will come to understand sexuality as it really is. You will come to understand that homosexuality, for one of many examples, is just as natural, maybe even more so, as heterosexuality.

And you will come to understand how emotional predation came to be, how sexual predation came to be. How any predatory nature came to be.

It is not my father’s fault that he has temper that caused him to do the things that he did. But it is completely his fault, how he reacted to what his temper had done.

My father is a Stellarian, who gains his value and worth from being served by others. He gained great value from being a member of God’s only true church and having God’s priesthood authority. He gained great value from having 12 children, over 40 grandchildren, and I have no idea how many great-grandchildren, that comprised his Eternal Family Unit.

My father would lose his temper, which affected his behavior and caused a knee jerk reaction in response to what I did to counter his strong feelings on the topic of the Eternal Family Unit, the idea of God only having one true church, and the Holy Priesthood. He was highly sensitive to these things from which he was served his self-worth and value.

I would lose my temper too, which affected my behavior and caused a knee jerk reaction in response to what the world does that counters my strong feelings on the topic of the the equality of each mortal human being regardless of how the person acts or reacts to his or her mortal experience.

But the greatest trigger to my temper would be my frustration that I could not fulfill the purpose for my existence: be a True Messenger and convince others of the true God.

My mentors knew of my temperament. They actually watched it develop. They were aware of the knee jerk reaction to many events of my life. And they knew they had chosen the right man for the job because of how I reacted to losing my temper.

My temperament needed to be refined through hands on experience as a Security officer for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.