Chapter Four: Birth

In the last chapter I gave you a bit of advice:

Live life the best you can, according to your own mind.

If you learn anything from your grandpa, learn to live life without worry or fear.  Especially don’t fear death.  There’s no such thing … really.

Learn not to value your Self by what others expect of you, but by what YOU expect of you.  But first, learn who you really are and why you really exist.

I then wrote, that to help you learn these things, “the following chapters will give you the details of my entire life, from my birth on December 2, 1961 to the present day.”

How can it be that there is no such thing as death?  Because in saying this, I’m also saying that there is no such thing as birth, right?

Also, I’m sure you are wondering about “THEM.”  How is it possibly that four people living upon this Earth have lived here for thousands of years, and in the case of two of them, billions?

I’m sure that from your experience of being alive upon Earth, you have come to know people in your life that are born and people who have died.  It’s very possible that I have died and no longer exist in your life by the time you read my autobiography.  So, if this be the case—that I have died, then everything that Grandpa told you must be a lie, because even Grandpa is dead.  Right?

This would be a very fair conclusion to make.  But it would be the wrong conclusion.

As I thought about how I was going to explain my own birth to my grandchildren, so that it fit properly with what I know about human reality—who we are and why we exist—and explain how there is no such thing as death, and also present it according to what you know about your own reality, I figured the best way was to explain what I know.  Not what I knew on June 15, 1987, but what I knew just a few hours later after my transfiguration.

So let me give it my best try.

Let me begin by first asking you a few questions:

Do you remember a time when you didn’t exist?

When you think back and remember certain events in your life, when you were young, doesn’t it feel like you were the very same person then as you are today?

I’m almost 60 years old today, and when I remember things about my past, I remember them as a 60 year-old, even if the event happened when I was 10 years-old.  I see pictures of when I was 10, and I know that I was once much younger then, but the same brain I have today, I had then.  I had the same consciousness (the state of being aware of and responding to one’s surroundings; i.e., being awake) back then, that I still have today.  The only thing that has changed is that my body looks closer to 60 than it does to 10.

When you get my age, you’ll realize how fast time upon Earth flies by.  Just yesterday, it seems, I was delivering the Commencement Speech at my High School Graduation, as the Senior Class President of West High School located in Salt Lake City, Utah (class of 1980).  I remember the event very well.  I even remember the first part of my speech:

“‘Within these walls which surround us all, there dwells a hallowed spirit.  And every year that passes here serves merely to endear it.‘*  My fellow students, teachers, administrators, alumni, family, and friends.  We are about to leave these walls, that have surrounded us for the past four years, to embark on a journey through life that will make us into who [yeah, I said who instead of whom … Grandpa didn’t know grammar then like I do today] we will become. …”

*An excerpt from West High’s school song.

As Senior Class President, it was supposed to be my job to organize future class reunions.  Can you imagine that … me, standing in front of my former class mates, who, unless they have been hiding under a rock, think they know my story having read all kinds of crazy shit about me on the Internet?

I never organized any class reunion.

There’s an irony to my being Senior Class President,

(How I became the class president after only being enrolled at West High for a couple of months and not having attended any pre-High schools with any of the other kids, is a story that is very interesting that I will tell when it comes up later in my autobiography.)

I was President.  The Vice President, Scott Perry, is gay.  The Secretary, Cindy Lutz (don’t know her married name), is as LDS/Mormon as a woman could possibly be, who has a bunch of kids.  (I don’t know how many she had, but I would actually teach one of her children at Northwest Middle School, where I taught school briefly in 2000.)

Can you imagine that class reunion?  A President who thinks he’s been chosen to save the world by first getting rid of religion so that poverty can be solved, a Vice-President who is gay, and a Secretary who must accept that her President and Vice-President are going to hell.  That would be a sight to behold indeed.

This is how I would re-introduce myself to my former class mates, and begin our evening as host, if I had organized a 40th year class reunion:

Hey guys.  Welcome to West High, Class of 1980, 40th reunion.

The last time you heard me address this group was in June of 1980.  You probably don’t remember, but these are the first words I spoke at our graduation as I delivered our class’ Commencement Speech: (I would then read what I wrote above.) 

We left the walls of High School many years ago and became who we are today.

So, who are you?  Who did you become?

Look around at each other.  The lines on our faces, the sagging skin, the greying hair is evidence of our aging.  What made those lines?  What made your skin sag and your grey hair?

I’m sure we all wonder what each other does for a living.  Did our High School friends become successful in life, or not?

Regardless of what each of us did in life to make a living, regardless if some of us became doctors, lawyers, actors, successful business men, or if we have struggled throughout life trying to make a living however we could … Hell, I’ve been in jail a few times … Regardless of what we did, we all share the same lines on our faces, the same sagging skin and grey hair.

Look around again, do you see anyone who has not aged?  Do you see any of our classmates that might still be alive 40 years from now?  Sure, one or two of us might make it to 100 years, but most of us will not.  And of the two who might become a centenarian, can you imagine the wrinkles, sagging skin, and greying hair they will have then!

Does it really matter who we became after High School?  I’m pretty sure that during the first part of this reunion, as you became acquainted with your former friends and classmates, one of the first things you wanted to know was what they did or do for a living.  Did we really care back in High School … what each other did?  No, because we weren’t being forced to make a living back then.  We just lived.

So, if I may, let me ask each of you,

After we left the “walls which surround[ed] us all, [where] there dwell[ed] a hallowed spirit,” what were each of you forced to do to survive in this world and feel good about yourself?

Throughout the rest of the evening together, let’s do something that has probably never been done at a High School reunion.  Let’s celebrate, not what we might have accomplished over and above another, not what has made us all different today, but what we shared during the time when we knew each other in our innocence, at a time when life was not being forced upon us, but was offering us choices and chances to find our own unique happiness.

Let’s set aside our differences, our accomplishments, what we do for a living, and once again, before we die, endear each other’s similarities.  Let’s embrace our wrinkles, sagging skin, and grey hair.

Just for tonight, let’s remember those “years that pass[ed]” within those walls where there dwelled a hallowed spirit.”  Merely to endear it.

Since a large number of my graduation class probably continue to be LDS/Mormon, if they have read the bullshit about me on the Internet, they would probably not attend if they knew I was going to speak.

But anyways …

Grandkids, you’ll probably read one of Grandpa’s signature remarks, “but anyways,” throughout my autobiography.  I use this term often, not to express a more negative connotation of “Who cares?” but to express the idea that few really care about what I just said … and it really doesn’t matter in context to what I am trying to say.

But anyways, let’s get back to life, birth, and death.

I made you a promise that the more you understand about me, the more you will understand about YOU.  So let me tell you the Real Truth about who I am, so that you will start to understand the Real Truth about who YOU are.

The real me has always existed, and will always exist.  There will never be a time when the real me will not exist.  The real me is eternal, always has been, always will be … worlds without end … in other words, mortal incarnates (lives) without end.

Obviously, Christopher Nemelka was born.  I was born to Michael James Nemelka (21 years old) and Elizabeth Diane Jorgensen (20 years old) on December 2, 1961.  I took my first breath on this day at about 5:03 p.m. at the L.D.S. Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.  After a pretty painful event for Mom … after I was forced out of her body, my parents took my infant body home to 1266 W. 7th South, Salt Lake City, Utah (the address in 1961 … it’s changed a bit since then), where I joined my two older brothers, Michael James II (born December 1958) and Cory David (born September 1960).  Just a short year, a month, and a day later, my brothers and I were joined by another brother, Joseph Lee (born January 1963).  And a year and a few months later, my little sister, Alesa Diane (August 1964), would join us.

Yep, my dear mother was barely 23 years-old when she had five kids who were very close in age.  It wouldn’t be too long after the birth of my sister that my parents divorced.  Mom took Alesa and let my dad keep us boys.  I’m not going to say why she did this, only that she did.  My mother has her own story to tell.  I’ll let her tell it.

My mother made the right choice for her.  But guess what?  The Real Truth is, I actually chose her to be my mother and knew what she might do.

My real Self was very well aware of everything going on during Elizabeth Diane Jorgensen’s life.  I was well aware that she was struggling to understand and accept the religious culture in which she was raised.  If you want to know the Real, real truth, I knew my mother’s true Self for many, many, many years before her life as Diane Jorgensen Nemelka began.

My real Self was actually standing right next to her real Self when my eternal brain connected with a body that had formed inside of the mortal woman who she had chosen and allowed to become a part of her advanced brain’s mortal experience in 1941 … Earth years.

Yep, the real me was standing next to the real her back in 1941 when the real her connected to a mortal body forced out of the body of my grandmother, Abigail Lee Jorgensen.  In fact, the real me and the real her were also standing right next to the real Abbie Lee, when the real Abbie Lee made the choice to connect to a mortal infant’s body that had formed inside of my great grandmother.

And guess what, grandchildren, your mother’s or father’s real Self was standing by my real Self and by their mother’s real Self when they chose to connect to the mortal infant’s brain that was forced out of your grandmother’s body … sometimes pretty violently.  Let me tell you about one of these experiences.

Aydyn Noelle Brown came into this world on November 19, 2007.  Aydyn would be my first grandchild.  Her mother, Brittany, was having a hard time delivering Aydyn’s body.  While Brittany was going through labor, I was in the waiting room with Sheri.  (You’ll come to know Sheri Huffor, Salcedo, Davis, Nemelka later—she’s pretty special to grandpa and an important part of whom I have become.)  We sat there a long time waiting for the news that Aydyn had been delivered.  I fell asleep.

While I was asleep, I began to dream.

Now, here, I’m going to try to explain how Grandpa’s brain, because of his transfiguration, didn’t actually always dream as you dream.

I had the unique ability to connect consciously to my true Self.  Not that I was ever disconnected fully from my mortal Self, because if your mortal Self disconnects from your true Self … then you’re dead, at least as far as conscious life upon Earth is concerned.

The structure change in my brain allowed me to become conscious of my true Self.

Remember above where I first mentioned consciousness as being aware of and responding to one’s surroundings; being awake?  While appearing to others as if I was asleep, I was able to awaken from this mortal life in our true reality … in that world … not this one.  I could experience the surroundings of this world just as vividly and real as you are experiencing this one.

When you are dreaming, your dreams are very vidid and seem real … until you wake up.  Then you know that it was all just a dream.  Your dreams are disjointed, unconnected, and many times convoluted and don’t make much sense.  Well, when Grandpa had the kind of dream where I was able to become conscious in our real world, it was a continued experience and made complete sense.

In other words, I was able to live (be conscious) in two different worlds.  However, in our real world, where I would see myself among the real people who everyone on Earth actually are a part of, I was not an advanced, un-gendered, incredibly beautiful and intelligent person.  I was just Grandpa.  My advanced brain was basically retarded, in that I perceived my Self in this world as less advanced in mental, physical, and social development than the others living there.

I found myself speaking with Aydyn’s true Self … yep, while Brittany’s, Joshua’s, and even Grandma Paula’s true Selves stood close by listening.

Aydyn’s true Self was much more advanced in mental, physical, and social development than I perceived that I was.  This advanced person was not Aydyn yet, as this person had not yet connected to Aydyn’s mortal brain.  Our conversation was not controlled by me.  It was controlled by Aydyn’s true Self.  This incredible human being was telling me what was going to happen, and was allowing me to give my input.

Aydyn’s true Self had chosen Brittany as her mortal mother when the time was right for her to be connected to the body that would form inside of Brittany.  Brittany got pregnant before it was the right time for Aydyn’a true Self to be connected.  I wasn’t an active participant in Brittany’s life then.  When Brittany found out she was pregnant the first time, she experienced many of the emotions that young mothers do as they contemplate ending the formation of the body within them through abortion.

What Brittany does not know, until she reads this autobiography, is that Aydyn’s true Self was right by the side of her true Self as Brittany was contemplating abortion.  Consulting together, these two advanced humans decided that it was not time for Aydyn to connect and experience mortal life.  This decision was made because the mortal Brittany was not part of my life then, and Aydyn’s true Self had a purpose for her life … a purpose that only her true Self and her grandpa knows.  Will I ever reveal what that purpose is … I don’t know if I will.  I don’t know if it will help Aydyn in her mortal experience or not.

While I was asleep in Saint Mark’s Hospital waiting for Brittany to deliver Aydyn, my true Self was communicating with Aydyn’s true Self.  It was time for her true Self to connect to an infant body and enter my life.  But things had changed regarding the reason for which Aydyn was to be born from what they were when Brittany got pregnant the first time and was convinced to have an abortion.

As Aydyn’s true Self and I discussed these changes and how things might play out now, Brittany’s mortal body was struggling to deliver Aydyn.  Aydyn’s body wouldn’t come out.

I awoke from my dream in time to see Brittany being wheeled out of the room to surgery.  Aydyn was to be delivered c-section.  I don’t know if Brittany caught my smile and the twinkle in my eye as she was wheeled past those of us who were waiting.  Brittany gave a quick wave to us and disappeared down the hall.  A few minutes later, Aydyn’s true Self connected to the mortal body that her father, Steven Brown, and her mother had helped create for her.

Then one of the greatest opportunities of my life took place.

Brittany and Steven allowed Sheri and I to park our RV (in which we lived at the time) in their driveway so that I could watch Aydyn while her parents worked.  Sheri would go to work and it would be just me and Aydyn.  I was Aydyn’s only babysitter for almost the first two years of her life.  I was with Aydyn for more of her awake hours every day than her parents were.

Needless to say, Aydyn and I became as closely connected as any grandparent could possibly be.

I probably won’t reveal any more about what happened from November 2007 to the time that I was forced to let Aydyn go in order to break the bonds that we had developed ,so that I could do what I needed to do for others in the Marvelous Work and a Wonder®.

You see, this is what Aydyn’s true Self and I discussed the moments before this incredible, advanced human was connected to Aydyn’s infant body.  We discussed that one day I would be forced to let her go and live mortal life as it was meant to be lived, unprotected by a loving grandfather … unknowing of the Real Truth.

But for those precious first couple of years of her life,  I was allowed to experience again something I had lost many years before when I had lost her mother and the special bond between a father/grandfather and his daughter/granddaughter.  I was allowed to experience it once again, but only for a short time.

Later I will explain why it was not the right thing for my mortal children to be raised and taught by me … a man who knew things about our reality that a mortal was not supposed to know … a man who is just as mortal as any other man … a man who loves the innocent, especially those who share his DNA … and wants to protect them and direct their lives so that they do not have to suffer mortal life’s injustices and misery.

This special feeling can be summed up in a song I would often sing to Aydyn while I was babysitting her during that special time:

Nothing’s gonna harm you Not while I’m around Nothing’s gonna harm you No sir, not while I’m around Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays I’ll send them howling, I don’t care, I’ve got ways No one’s gonna hurt you No one’s gonna dare Others can desert you Not to worry, whistle I’ll be there Demons’ll charm you with a smile for a while But in time Nothing can harm you, not while I’m around Being close and being clever Ain’t like being true I don’t need to, I would never Hide a thing from you Like some No one’s gonna hurt you No one’s gonna dare Others can desert you Not a worry, whistle I’ll be there Demons’ll charm you with a smile for awhile But in time Nothing can harm you Not while I’m around

With great sadness, I could not keep the promise to Aydyn that I made as I repeatedly sang this song to her.  My role as a True Messenger would not allow me to always be there for her so that she would not be harmed.  I had to desert her, and hide many things from her.  I would have never been able to do this had I not known Aydyn’s true Self … had we not had that conversation on November 19, 2007, while others thought I was taking a nap.

In 2009, Sheri and I put Aydyn in our RV in Salt Lake City, Utah, to take her to her mother who was moving to Brittany’s hometown of Columbia Falls, Montana.  When we got to Montana, Aydyn would not leave my side.  She didn’t want to go with anyone of do anything but stay with me.  You see, Aydyn’s true Self never wanted to be disconnected from me in this life, but it was necessary … for both of us … for what I had to do.

Brittany, Paula, and I concocted a plan to distract Aydyn so that Sheri and I could leave without too much trauma for Aydyn.  While Aydyn was distracted, Sheri and I slipped out the front door.  As soon as the door closed, we heard a blood-curling scream from inside.  My heart about stopped.  I had a lump in my throat that I could not swallow for a long time.  I had just left my beloved granddaughter so that the close bonds that we had developed could be broken.  (Needless to say, is it any wonder why I have expressed hatred for my role in the MWAW … But anyways.)

(It is my hope that someday Aydyn will read these things and talk to me about them.  But really, it doesn’t matter.  She will continue to live and experience mortal life like everyone else has to.  Another little granddaughter, Ella Rae would eventually be around too … not really for grandpa … but to inspire Christopher to fulfill his role.)

Yeah … I know … this all sounds a bit weird.  Right?  Well, let’s logically consider it.

… to be continued.