I was born in the early 1960’s, the 4th child out of 11 that my mother gave birth to. Two of my siblings were born early and didn’t survive. My sister was 3 years after me and then a brother arrived 2 years after that (and I shall tell you a story about him,) and then next in line was another brother that didn’t survive, then another brother and 3 (full sisters) so there ended up being kind of a gap between siblings that we kind of termed the younger half and the older half of the family.
Now to the story about my brother:
While I was 4 soon to be 5, my Father tried to prepare me gently by telling me that soon we would have a new baby in the family and he (Dad) wouldn’t have as much time to play with me. To put it mildly, I was not a fan of the prospect of being booted out of the place I loved so much as Daddy’s little girl!
I was heartbroken! I vowed that I would not look at the intruder (the new baby) who had came to interrupt my life and steal my Daddy’s attention!
My Dad used to run home for his lunch break at the Turkey farm and would play with me and give me piggyback rides around the living room floor while my Mother finished up getting his lunch set, then he would hurry and eat and then lay a minute on the living room floor to stretch out his back and then he would run back to work. In these moments the world was MINE, as I had both Mom and Dad to myself, as my older siblings were gone to school.
I was much smaller and more timid than they, and I kind of got lost in the shuffle when they were around.
I did pretty good on my vow for a while (not sure how long) until one day I couldn’t take it any longer and while my Mom was in the kitchen, I peeked over the side of the bassinette. I was in love! He became my pal and we spent many wonderful days together growing up.
I would say that when I was 5 years old, was my favorite time in life as I was finally able to go explore outside sometimes which I loved and inside I had my very own live doll!
My parents were devout LDS and we attended church religiously! It was drilled into us kids the importance of not being late. (Later it was said that if we were not on time, it was implied..to some event with Jesus we may be locked out)
My religious concerns began sometime in those early years. I’m guessing I was about 5.
One day at primary, the teacher was telling the class about Joseph Smith’s first vision where he had acted on the Bible verse found in 1st. James verse 5 “ If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”
My mind must have wandered off for a minute.. because then I heard so loudly and clearly something to the effect of: ( I cannot now remember verbatim) that ‘someday I too would have to seek out the truth’!
It sent a jolt thru me! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I looked around to see if any of my class mates heard it too, sadly I could tell none of them had and the teacher continued to talk. For me the room seemed to instantly get cold, and I felt frightened. I looked towards the tall skinny frosted windows, and the sun that was shining, seemed to go behind a cloud or something and the room seemed to darken. It took all I had to not run past all of my classmates and out of the room! But I knew that if I did, my parents would be very disappointed in me. As I sat there, I shuddered and tried to remind myself this WAS God’s true church, that Joseph had set it up. Why would I need to do what he had done?
The spring I was 6 ½ going on 7, my parents became plurally married. Complying with the scriptures as best as they understood them.
The woman they married was someone they had gone to Mutual with, she could have been the person my Father married, instead of my Mother. (There are lots of details I’ll leave out for brevity sake.)
By this time, she had been married and then divorced with 3 children in tow, that she was raising alone. So our family became a blended family, and then she and my Father eventually went on to have my other 3 sisters, making our family have 15 children.
Within a couple weeks of their marriage my grandfather’s house that we (Mom’s family) had been living in burned down due to an electrical cord short, I think.
All the towns folk was sure it was Gods wrath being poured out on us!
The people we had known all our life now shunned us!
Us kids’ friends could no longer play with us. I guess their folks couldn’t explain why we had two Mom’s.
The grown ups (Adults) would cross the street rather than walk down the same side of the sidewalk as us kids, or walk passed us! (I guess our “plig cooties” might have jumped off onto them. Why else would they?)
My Parents got excommunicated from the church that they so dearly loved (and taught us to love) and it broke their hearts!
One kind woman whom I shall always remember with fondness, let my older sister and I come to her home and she lets us pick out material from her barrels of material, for an Easter dress that she sewed for us. We were so grateful, as our things were burned!
But by most all of the others, we were shunned as apostates and not treated kindly.
People that would have talked to us the day before, now wouldn’t hardly look at us, let alone talk to us!
Needless to say in a rural little Mormon community no one was willing any longer to give my Father work. Even his Uncle would no longer hire him, although his Uncle desperately needed and hired seasonal workers! Money became very tight and therefore food as well. (I think these things combined with the fact that we moved to the ranch about 10 miles out of town, so you couldn’t conveniently run to the store IF you had the money, has contributed to me seeing value in everything and I struggle in throwing anything away.)
My grandmother (whom had passed before I was born) had bottled various things and although they were so old they had gone dark in the jars and the contents were undiscernible we ate in humble gratitude of her labors!
I also learned to fear the “law” at this time because of my new mothers’ Mother wanted my Father arrested for marrying her daughter! (although she was of age, and divorced and had 3 children.) So the town sheriff would sometimes come looking for Dad. Us kids were always on the lookout for approaching cars and strangers. Were they friend or foe?
Our parents still encouraged us kids to go to church and primary, which we did, until eventually the church asked us to stop coming altogether.
Before they did this however, I became old enough to be baptized (which I wanted with all my heart! I had been taught that was how you become a part of Jesus family-and I wanted that very much! I was the first one to sew my CRT “choose the right” flag, and anything else I could do, to be accepted of God.)
My Father spoke to: The Elders Quorum, The Bishop and The Stake Council in my behalf, asking if they would perform the ordinance of baptism for me. He acknowledged that they didn’t believe he held the priesthood any longer, but would they do it for me? He requested it for me and gave them his consent and blessings. They each reported they didn’t know what to do, so at length, they wrote to the Brethren in Salt Lake City. The reply that came back was “NO”, saying polygamous children tend to be insincere, or something to that effect.
I was devastated! I wanted so badly to be a part of Jesus family! And now, the only way that I knew how, wouldn’t accept me until I was 18, if I was still interested!
It seemed I’d waited forever to turn 8 and now I had to wait until I was 18!
I was extra careful and didn’t take any chances like going swimming with the other kids, or doing anything careless, so I wouldn’t accidently die or be killed.
I thought if I didn’t get baptized, I couldn’t be a part of Jesus family, nor could I have the Holy Ghost.
I worried that I’d have to go to Hell!
I was not too confident in any of our relatives doing Temple work for me, because they thought we had apostatized!
Therefore my life became concentrated on learning all I could because nothing mattered more to me in life than being able to know Jesus and be a part of his and thus our Father’s family. I have been a rather serious person, and have been mocked for it, But nothing seemed more important to me than learning about God, and his mysteries and I went about it the only way I knew how.
So many times while the other kids played various childhood games I would go off somewhere and try and read the scriptures. I had heard that a person could be saved no faster than he gained light and knowledge.
This brings me to my next subject, Lack of education.
I finished the 7th grade (12 years old) and the folks called a family council. They said we could quit school or keep going, but we, (all us kids) had to come to an agreement. We either All had to keep going or all had to quit.
It had been a hardship on the folks getting us kids to town everyday for school and in winter the roads became very trying. As well as all the religious challenges we now endured.
My father also needed my older brothers to help him on the farm that we were buying (that was northeast of town), as they were doing all they could to provide for our large family.
My brothers were bullied a lot at school, both the older ones and the younger ones. So, although school was very hard for me and I kind of wanted to keep going to learn more, I voted with the rest to quit.
My sacrifice in not getting an education would not be any worse than the sacrifices that the rest were all making in various ways for our families behalf.
My lack of education has presented challenges for me in my life, and I struggle to do many things because of it, that others do not even understand.
(Imagine trying to navigate this quickly changing world on the education you learned up to 12 years old, and the rest being basically self taught and trying to figure it out as you go.)
Imagine the thought of trying to support yourself.
My Mother’s health was poor and so, much of my life from that time onward became involved in the care of my siblings. I learned how to clean and cook and care for children, while Mom tried to teach the younger kids and keep Dad “on the Road.”
My folks continued to search the scriptures and apply all to the best of their ability.
Eventually we sold our family ranch and the farm to buy some property farther south (a warmer climate) where we could build a refuge to prepare for the coming days prophesied in the scriptures. We also joined with others and tried to live united order or “having all things common among us.”
What an adventure that is with all kinds of humanity types!
My Grandfather used to say something to the effect of : ‘All people are willing. Some people are willing to work and some people are willing to let them!’. 😊That statement seemed pretty true.
That “endeavor” will have you “saying your prayers for added grace.”
We also eventually as a group bought some property in Missouri, as that was to be the center gathering place of Zion. That was where Jesus was supposed to return. I certainly wanted to be near that.
I wanted children and I finally married an ‘outsider’ after not being able to “get the spirit” enough to realize I was supposed to marry one of the men in the group, as was mentioned to me, while “they” pointed out my worldly erring ways.
Before that time (my marriage), many worried I was being too fussy and would end up an old maid!
Trying to mesh two Human peoples natures into a harmonious ONE takes a lot of love!
Throw in some religious fanaticism (me) and you have your work cut out for you!
Because of my burning desire to be accepted of God, I have continued my ever searching.
I have looked at various religions, searching for the ever elusive answers. In doing so, it has amplified to my mind how they all think they are right, and God’s chosen ones! How can they all be right?
I began to question everything, even my dearly held beliefs.
On April 8th 2018 I continued to ponder and search and prayed that I’d be led to the truth. That day I went for a walk and as I did I listened to YouTube on my phone. I had just returned home from visiting my aging folks (who were having health challenges) in Missouri and felt bad I hadn’t had time to even hardly think of Jesus while I was gone, and I was feeling bad because I believed the 6th was his birthday and I like to honor him at least in my heart if I can.
Uncharacteristically for me, I searched for the LDS general conference talks that had just been happening. I hated listening to them as a kid, but eventually I had gotten to where I could usually get some good from whatever source I searched.
As a kid I had hated how unnaturally they talked. So Pious and yet in my heart I felt they were insincere, like they were reading a script. (I later found out they were.)
My grandfather used to call pious acting people, “Sunday faced”.. so full of shit they wouldn’t say it, if they had a mouth full! I always thought that was kind of funny and too true.
Anyways (on to the good part)
That day after Russell Nelson told the people they should get personal revelation, which was refreshing to me after all of the “follow the leader” talks I’ve heard,..
(DRUM ROLL) up next on YouTube popped up an Interview with Ida Smith! Hyrum Smith’s Great-granddaughter. She told how she had longed for the Sealed Portion to come forth and then went on to announce it had, in 2005! What! Why didn’t I know? Why was this not being shouted from the rooftops? I listened in amazement. I had to get ahold of one of those books! It came in May and It took me until March 22, 2019 to finish reading it. I, like Ida resented anything that got in the way of me reading the words on those pages! I would hurriedly do my chores so I could steal away and read. (unfortunately for me, I read very slowly and it helps if I can see and hear the words of something, so I read quietly (out loud) to myself, so I can get it. Often I lose focus and have to go back and reread a little of the previous to keep going along.)
I cried as I read and realized there was so much I didn’t know the truth about!
Part of me wanted to get to the end to find out what happens, and part of me didn’t want it to end!
Just like when I read in the Book of Mormon, I cried when Alma died, I felt so sad and like my friend died and I would miss him so and never hear his words again!
Next, I read “ Without Disclosing My True Identity The Authorized and Official Biography of The Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith, Jr.” I have a place in my heart that only he can fill and his Autobiography did not disappoint!
I ordered more books to be coming as I read up in the ones I had, and the publisher called me about my order on October 9th 2020. I recognized her from a Coffee With Chris on a YouTube video that I randomly happened upon just before they went private for a time (and then weren’t available.☹ She told me how to join the Facebook group. I wish I could see all the CWC’s as there is so much taught that I have never heard about and my soul is hungry for Real Truth!
Jumping through all the technological hoops has been an extreme hurdle for me because I don’t yet understand technology and have little experience with it. Living most of my life without even electricity. But I am happy to announce I’m getting better at it everyday! But because of my life experiences it would be much easier to dig a hole with a shovel or chop a tree into a cedar post with an axe, than fuss with this “magical medium called Technology!”
In this, my story I want to convey that I have searched far and wide my whole life seeking for Real Truth!
I have sought to know the mysteries of God that the Brother of Jared was shown! I have sought to know the Jesus of the Scriptures that is promised to the humble seeker of great faith and I am home!
I have found through the works of the www.humanityparty.com the way my Jesus could end poverty and great suffering if we would get behind the plan and support it! Remember the Biblical Jesus didn’t start a revolution and save the people like many had thought the Redeemer would do, rather he taught them a way to live.
Through the REALILLUMINATI.ORG and the books they have so untiringly and freely prepared for all to enjoy if they but will, sharing their wisdom, I am learning slowly but surely the truth of all things! I am so deeply grateful to the real Illuminati for their hope and labors for humankind, when we mortals sometimes struggle to have hope!
Gentlemen, I hope someday I can hug you and shake your hand!
Lastly, I thank my True Messenger, Christophernemelka.com that battles every day with his flesh, just like we do, so that he can be SEXIER THAN JESUS! (inside joke)
Thank you, Ramona Jeppson