Part 1 Preparing my mind to discover mwaw
I feel its important for me to talk about the couple of months leading up to finding the mwaw, as some significant things occurred during this time.
In the summer of 2014 I was taking classes at a satellite campus in Placerville CA. I was attempting to take two core classes and crunch them into one summer semester. During this time I was living with my in-laws and was participating in a welfare to work program in order to provide for my own. The two classes were united states history and English writing. These two classes alone were stressful enough but adding everything else that was going on made me emotionally drained.
During the the history class I was to discover somethings about real truth that got my thinking. The first one was a from a classmate named Kenny, who everyone looked down on as being mentally disabled, yet fully cognizant as far as I could tell. The other was during a group presentation talking about native American Indians. Had i stayed the term of the class i could have learned more but alas it was too much for me.
Kenny was a good kid. I can say this because I was twice his age. I was going back to school almost in my middle age years. I got talking with kenny one day during break and somehow we got talking about an incident that had happened to him from receiving a snake bite. He had got bitten by a rattle snake and he proceeded to tell me that he was dead for 15 whole minutes. Weird? No, he told me he went to heaven and said the only thing he remembered was that everyone was genderless. I thought maybe this guy is crazy like everyone says, however, i looked him in the eye and said, "that's weird, glad you're alright."
The presentation was actually very well done and highly enthralling. There were pictures and music I mean all the participants were engaging and into their own part. It felt like a story being told around a campfire in 3D! I had always liked the Indian culture but this was gripping, but what got me the most was the part about Skylord. Women or possibly only one, that were spirits or gods, that came down and helped the ancient people with showing them how to survive and prosper in the land and give back to what feeds them. I thought how nice it would be if God was real and a woman.
Die Geschichte folgt weiter...
1.1 Preparing my mind to discover mwaw
The other class English writing, which I did finish, I would come to learn about real truths I already knew.
The teacher for this class was very laid back and cool and patient with those of us in the class that just weren't very mature. At times I think about how I'd like to meet him again with the knowledge I now have. Maybe it was that we were close to the same age, but we clicked and instruction was easy to follow.
Though some of the classmates were a bit young and immature they were still fun to be around. One in particular was a bigger guy, forget his name, but we'd talk about nerd stuff such as lootbox or game of thrones. I think the last time I talked with him he really wanted to know my opinion about time travel, he thought it would be so cool. I'd also given this topic lots of thought, being that I'm a huge sci-fi geek, and asked him, "how could we manipulate something that's not real?"
As we progressed through the corse the major assignment was to write a minimum 5 page research paper twice, one for and against our own chosen topic. I switched out topics a couple of times before I found one that had easy research ability. The first topic was something I'd thought about on and off throughout my life. I wanted to write about our reality and how it all takes place in our head or brain to be precise. When you sit and think about it our senses are tied to our brains and it's in the mind where the senses create the experience. Cool topic I thought but I couldn't apply that to a research paper. The thoughts going through my head were we all were experiencing a mass hallucination and it was oddly comforting.
The next topic I thought about writing was for and against the Bible. I really just wanted to debunk that shit. My research lead me to YouTube where I found a video of a lost gospel that never made it into the canon. The gospel of judas was the name and it's concept was that christ needed an opponent to help the cause. He asked judas to be this enemy in order to help spread the word. He was reluctant as im sure any friend would be, but helped see thing differently and I actually felt sorry for him. Had that made it into the Bible people probably wouldn't think of church (religion) with the same importance. This ended up being too difficult of a subject.
Ended up researching nuclear energy. Much easier topic to discuss point for and against it. It stressed me out less and helped me realize just how ignorant people can be. South of my hometown of Sacramento there's a shutdown plant in Rancho Seco. Had the ignorant not got it shutdown California would not have had an energy crisis, however, there could have been a radioactive leak, who knows?
Sie wird fortgesetzt.
1.2. Preparing my mind for discovering mwaw
Well the semester ended and I felt somewhat less stressed, however, my birthday was coming up and I really don't like birthdays. This one was however significant for. I would be turning 36. It is the meridian age between the deaths of Jesus and Joseph. I felt something has to happen, I need to do something with my life, even though I was going to school.
The next weeks leading up to my birthday were rather boring. I didn't have much to do except help with yard work and getting ready to take more welding classes down in Sacramento. My wife's grandmother let us stay with them while going to school there. My birthday came and went and nothing happened I was bummed. Well sure there were a couple of practical presents and a pie. PIE > cake. But nothing "significant" happened. The weekend was coming and people from out of state were visiting my wife's grandma and were asked to pack all our stuff (which wasn't much, that's not the point) and go back to the hills for the week end. We did. That Saturday while the out of staters were visiting everyone from the house is was in went down to go visit. I didn't want to go so stayed there alone. Needless to say I was down. I decided to comfort myself the only way I knew how and needed to look at stuff. (Look up "the internet is for porn" its hilarious) Ended up on youtube trying to look up a new anime/hentai.
Scrolling through my recommended list there was a a whole bunch of religious videos, because of looking up that judas video. Bein in a funk I started looking through them. Televangelist this, born again that and some documentary of some old lady getting excommunicated for reading the sealed potion. Scrolled passed it i was like I need a release and old woman don't do it for me, plus I thought it was lds related. I was done with the church had been for some time and so the idea of watching that wasn't appealing. After a minute I thought whow...wait …. What the fuck "the sealed portion." Went back clicked on it, listened very intently still not sure what the hell i was watching. It didn't make sense why people would do hurtful things to and old lady for reading what the church has been waiting for, what was promised us.
Ida...wish I coulda hugged you.
Es gibt noch mehr….
Part 2. Discovering the MWAW
On August 23, 2014 my eyes of understanding were illuminated. I found what I'd been searching for my entire life. Reading the book of Mormon as a teenager and going to Sunday school all those years made me feel i wanted to know what were the many things that the prophets weren't allowed to talk about. Did I even deserve to know? Was I worthy of this knowledge? Absolutely Positively! God desires all to recieve it (light and truth), because we're all God. I served my mission in Germany from 98-2000. I realized real truth without knowing it at the time but the word for everyone in german is alle (pronounced Allah).
After watching Ida's video I had to look this shit up. There was a site called thesealedportion.com and I could download the pdf for free. Good thing it was free cause I wasn't going to fork over any money. If it wasn't free I would know right then and there it wasn't the real deal. This still left a lot of doubt as to its authenticity. Why didn't it come through the church, the right and proper channels of God. If it had come through the church i would have known about it by then. And who the fuck is this Christopher Nemelka guy. Sorry, had to put his name and the f word in the same sentence.
As I started my research I found all sorts of videos slandering chris and his character. One video in particular gave me the worst feeling of dreed and I really started to doubt whether or not the tsp was authentic. I'd even heard about others who tried to convince the world the tsp came through them. I was going about it wrong so I decided to go through the book. I read how Joseph came to chris in the apostle room of the temple and was blown away. Noticed the lost manuscript and tried to use measurements and math to determine if it had 116 pages. I thought the original was written on large legal paper and this copy was on standard typing paper or a word processor. I eventually decided it was close enough just read it damn it.
By the end of reading the lost manuscript I was in tears. The tears some how distorted the last few verses to read "and they had no poor amount them" and some others things. Later I read again I was like whow its says the opposite. Its possible I needed it to say that so that I would continue my research. Tsp does mention aspects of how we should behave through its pages, thought i should mention.
My wife came home (not my home but sure) really late that night cause she was having fun down with the out of staters. Im sure she'd like me to mention that these out of staters are her extended family. Excessively apologizing about being away so long she asked if I was able to get stuff taken care of. I let her know about everything I do so she's not surprised. I said nothing and with my face all wet it took me several minutes to summon up the courage to tell her what I found.
Forwerts immer Forwerts...
2.1 Discovering the MWAW
It was time to start reading the sealed portion. I wouldn't be starting my next semester for a couple of weeks and had plenty of time. My eagerness to read consumed my entire thought process. Even though there was lots of doubt, I read and marveled at what was unraveling before my eyes. Was this for me? Or did I stumble upon someone else's legacy? I would think to myself off and on for many years. But to read the brother of Jared's vision almost overwhelmed me with feelings that were all over the spectrum. Regardless of what I felt I read on.
Finding out about our heavenly mother and her name, to the way everyone treated each other, even the plants grew back their fruit almost instantaneously so that everyone would take only what they needed leaving plenty for everyone, was a joy to read. It seemed in every chapter I read I knew what would happen next, or it knew what I was thinking (it's a book come on Wes), or god knew how I thought and what I needed to hear. It was interesting how it was structured: using verses and religious prose along with modern vocabulary and phrases. It was an odd mix that seemed like it shouldn't have worked but did anyways. As I continued to read I came across a part that didn't make sense.
It seemed there was a discrepancy with the lineage of Lehi's family that didn't make sense. The sealed portion stated they came through the tribe of Ephraim, however, the Book of Mormon states Lehi came from Manasseh. It confused me why it would say conflicting genealogies. I decided to do some more research and look at forums, blogs, even going back to the book of mormon to see if I read it wrong to begin with. In the process I almost got lost in the horrible slander people were saying about Chris, I even doubted my conviction to continue reading. It took me a couple hours to realize people were focused on Chris and not the book. I even told myself why dwell on something that isn't even real, or about things of the lds church I could care less about. There was no empirical evidence that the twelve tribes of Israel even existed. Archeologists would have found something by now, (Took a class on this subject as well which confirmed many things I had already thought about) and genealogy was a fascination of the mormon church I never understood. Decided to move on and keep reading. Years later I pondered on this and came to the conclusion it must have been a test to see if people still wanted to believe that their worldly pursuits were righteous.
I would read about two dozen plus some chapters before moving back to Sacramento to start the next semester.
Es gibt noch mehr...
2.2 Discovering the MWAW
After moving back to Sacramento I attended fall semester at American River College to take seventeen units of welding classes (my major) and would be at school for more than half the day. During this time I will have read four of the five books that were available at the time leaving the 666 book for last and read it around Christmas.
As I read the sealed portion I would switch to reading the other books wholy one at a time while going back to the sealed portion between books. So around chapter 35 or so I started on the human reality book. The reason I did this was not because I got bored of the lengthy passages but because I found some videos of Chris talking. This was the first time I heard about the mwaw and got intrigued by this prophet dude. As he talked he'd mention parts from certain books so I'd go read those books to try to figure out what's going on. At this point in time I was highly uncertain about what I'd found was real or even for me. I noticed though that they started at ep. 51 and after watching a couple I was caught up and would watch them live on Sunday mornings. Quickly found out the first 50 were unavailable and not ment for the general public, "the world isn't ready for all that information," Chris would say. Somewhere during the fall I'd finaly come to the conclusion that mwaw was real, the book held real truth in some form and maybe just maybe i was on the right path by realizing something very easy to understand and having a dream.
In the show a viewer called in about wanting to commit himself to an insane asylum. I forget the whole discussion, but Chris mentioned it was his true self trying to get his attention, and at one point there was a dream this person had in which a God like figure was talking to him. (If I remember correctly, so much was happening for me back then) Chris also talked about the difference between dreams and visions to which I wasn't able to pay attention to very well so I didn't grasp the concept. However at some point I had a dream not sure if it was that fall or the next spring that would help me out tremendously.
In my dream it seemed as though it was 1987 Chris was 25 young and dashing and I was 9 a submissive little child again. I followed Chris into a house from the bright outdoors to the soft lite indoors. The house reminded me of german taverns with dark and warm colored stained wood, thick rugs and windows of multicolored shapes and circles. As a child I would just follow people which would annoy them to no end. So I followed Chris through out this house going upstairs then down other stairs, through rooms down long hallwalls, and after what seemed like hours he finally stopped and turned to me.
"What do you want?" He asked.
"Is it all real?" I responded.
"What do you think?" Was all I got. Then the dream ended or got weird and I was really confused. After waking up and pondering I decided it was up to if it was real or not. It was up to me to choose, I had the power. It was an odd sensation I've only experienced a few times in my life but would have many more times as I read on.
The next time I'd experience this feeling would be figuring out the meaning behind Jacob 4:14 and what the wickedness and abominations the scriptures were referring to. Religion is bad and it makes us stumble, all we need to do is be nice to each other. It's really that simple. "Noooo...it can't be that simple?" I'd think to myself, but then I remembered an old testament story with Moses and the flying serpents. The Hebrews started dying from these serpents and Moses put one on his staff and told everyone to look at him and they'd be saved. Most people didn't not believe and died while those the looked and beheld moses lived. It's really that simple. The brother of Jared gained knowledge of the truth and was saved from the fall. It's really that simple.
I felt so empowered I wanted to scream upon the roof tops. I wanted to share what I knew with everyone.
Lesen Sie gern?...
2.3 Discovering the MWAW
Around the time I finished reading the human reality book I would also make a friend. This fellow was almost ten years younger then me but it wasn't an issue as we found lots in common. As we hung around one another we got to know each other better and at one point we got to talking about the meaning of life and such. This gnawing feeling in my gut wanted to tell him about the works, it overcame me and so I did. To my everlasting shame I did. It was during a time there was evaluations for a competition happening called Skills USA. It was taking place at school in the welding lab and I wanted to participate as well. Somehow I got set up in a booth that had the wrong shielding gas piped to that station and burned some stainless pretty bad. I was so angry I put everything down, cleaned up and walked out without saying anything to anyone. Later, this fellow asked me what the matter was. So...I told him I'm reading these books that explain everything about life and i was having an issue not knowing what humanity type i was. Back then this really bothered me, but why did I tell him that? Why couldn't I just tell him the actual issue about the shielding gas? ..sigh..
Sure he was really intrigued and I told him many things and after a couple of hours of talking he pointed out I shouldn't be worried about what type I am as long as I'm doing what's right. Simple right? It did help dissuade some of my worry and then was able to just talk with him normally. As time went on he'd ask me questions and I'd try my best to answer, usually with me trying to show him where in books he could find the answer. I tried so hard to direct him to the source of the information but he always came back to me for confirmation. This is when I realized my error, I was becoming his source for the real truth and it didn't sit well with me. As it got closer to the competition I tried to tell me about my opinion of what competition really was. Good one Wes! A friend would have just cheered him on. He would eventually cut his hair to look more acceptable and wanted to have nothing to do with me. Co-students in the welding program that I was friendly with also eventually wanted to have nothing to do with me and would get down right mean. I was reaping the fruit of my labor and it was very bad fruit. I told myself I can't be apart of a group if all I do is make others feel bad. I decided to stay a loner like I had most of my life. From then on I decided I wasn't going to tell anyone about the works and just be kind to anyone I meet.
Speaking with a loud voice upon the roof tops was something I no longer desired. It hurt to even think about wanting to talk about real truth with people, even to this day. Then what was the whole purpose of finding the works? Why did I receive this information? The simple answer I wouldn't discover for years later until I changed my train of thought. Even after all this time of being away from the church I was still thinking like a missionary, who wanted to confound the learned and preach the gospel. Years later I would come to realize there were certain aspects of the mission that were actually good.
As a missionary, one is to perform four measly hours of service per week, in the service of others, not for oneself. During my mission I was always high strung and stressed except for those four hours, because I was doing unto others as they would want done unto them. I would try to extend my time in service to helping others as often as I could. When knocking on doors from time to time I'd ask "we're servants of god" instead of "we're messengers of god". People would actually let us in and while I was doing work my companion would do the talking, and I would simply smile. Through out my mission I would help in army base mail rooms; visit facilities for those with disabilities both physical and mental; and my favorite one was visiting children in refugee apartment complexes. These kids were from all over the middle east from former Yugoslavia to Pakistan. Oh man was it a treat. We'd show up and they'd be all over us, mostly me, i don't think my companion wanted to be there. My most memorable day was swinging them around. They'd form a circle around me and one at a time I'd swing them around. I did this for two hours straight before I got sick. My joy was so full I didn't even think about where I came from, how I got there or where I was going. I was in the moment.
Reading in the human reality book about the advanced nomads wandering around helping others caused me to dream a lot about going on quests, seeing sights, visiting people in need, doing for others what they would want done for them. That right there was what I wanted, not spreading the word of god. Sadly in this world one has to spend most of their time worrying about survival. This would be an unfulfilled dream of mine as I would have many distractions and pursuits that this world forces me to do. I believe this is the example Ammon the Zerahemlite (probably spelt wrong) tries to give us in the Book of Mormon. Serving others is serving your God.
During the mwaw show the account of Ammon would be brought up with Chris asking Tony about his lineage. Chris corrected Tony and I saw hair flying in front of the camera along with hearing stomping on the ground with boisterous laughter. Man these people seem so jovial I thought, I hope to meet them some day. I still was not sure if I deserved to be in their presence, and I honestly still don't.
I felt so empowered I wanted to scream upon the roof tops. I wanted to share what I knew with everyone.
Lesen Sie gern?...
2.4. Discovering the MWAW
As I would watch the show, which I finally caught up with, to watch live after two or three episodes, I'd be so intrigued by what Chris was saying as he'd describe elements from the various books that the Marvelous Work and Wonder has produced. Even though I wasn't sure who Christopher was or what his role was, I would come to find a deep appreciation for him and all the books.
Captivated by this unique individual I watched, monitored, observed, and analyzed his every word and movement. Everything he said and did made a lot of sense. Even his profanity was top notch and his use was almost exactly the same as mine. I loved how he'd swear, then cover up his mouth like a little child about to be scolded by his mother. But the things he'd say that caught my attention the most were his profound phrases. Chris's most profound phrase i heard him say was "I'm like unto the Son of man, no one can come unto the father except by me!" He said this while wearing batman pj's and his hair was all messed up, though his eyes never left the camera. For a split second I thought he might be crazy, but it was his eyes that made me think otherwise and that i should continue listening to him. He would mention now and then about his past negative experiences and it was about this same time I was reading in the Sealed Portion about Jesus and all of his negative experiences which I really resonated with as I have had almost the exact same life but to a different degree and severity. The thought occurred to me, only someone outside of myself who's had the same trials as I or worse should have any influence over my mind. Even through all this self-learning, I still had difficulty accepting him as a true messenger. There was still something keeping me from taking that last step towards the tree of life. I still felt deceived, it grated on my senses and I didn't know why, and I was not going to be deceived, not again.
After some time had passed and the show either stopped airing or I lost track, I found a video of an MWAW gathering at a coffee shop. Chris wasn't there, but other people had come together to share some of their stories of how they found the work. Wow, other people like me had found the work on their own and were courageous enough to share some words with the world. There were only two people that I remember who left an impression. Some dude had come all the way from Iceland to Utah, and the only thing this guy just said was, 'I'm going to follow Chris." The work was reaching to places outside the US? How could this all be a deception if people from other countries seemed earnest in their search for truth. The other was a woman that looked like some farm girl from the 50s sitting on her husband's lap. Chris called in on somebody's phone to ask her a question which I don't remember but her answer really helped me to see reason. "Listen to the message, not the messenger." Wait, what? He doesn't want people to focus on him? I was able to find some contentment with her words and was able to go back and concentrate on just the books. Reading the books helped me out in so many ways and I was able to find answers to personal problems that had plagued me for quite some time.
Ever since I first beheld pictures from outer space I developed an irrational fear of these giant orbs of alien nature that seemed to be stuck in a black void. Reading in the Human Reality book helped me to think of the other worlds that we share with our sun as dead planets. Dead things are usually frightening to look at; now things made sense. I could now view these worlds with a potential of not yet living since they had no little children dancing on their surfaces.
In one episode of the MWAW show, Chris mentioned that one the producers, who is a woman, was sealed to him. I thought, weird, because she's already married. Chris was dissuading others from going after her and mentioned this is what Joseph Smith did as well. Now, I wanted to read the Joseph Smith autobiography. Reading in Joe's Bio, I was able to rekindle my fondness for the guy as I had when I first read the Book of Mormon back when I was a teenager, and now understood his appropriate love of all women.
My mission that I performed for the Mormon church was more difficult than I could have imagined. In fact growing up and leading up to going, I always thought it would be a wonderful experience; unfortunately it was the opposite. After coming home I was in such emotional turmoil and I didn't know why. Almost right from the beginning of reading the Sacred, Not Secret book I was finally able to understand what I felt and could then start a process of forgiveness.
Money was always a crutch for me, even though math comes very easily. After reading the book 666 The Mark of America, Seat of the Beast, I finally understood why I constantly had financial problems and why the American dream seemed so fleeting.
Now that I'd read the message, back to the messenger, right? I was still fixated on him. During the show or a symposium, Chris was talking with someone about his message making sense and that it made the most sense out of all the gobbledygook in the world until something that made more sense came along. His countenance changed with that last statement. He was more light-hearted, excited and jovial, whereas before he always seemed down.
6 years later, I would see Chris with that same joy in his eyes because he could finally tell us the secrets that he had to hold back. After finding the Real Illuminati site and reading their books, I came upon a phrase "reverse deception". Ah ha, he was deceiving me, the world, but with good intent. With that I could let go of my apprehension and be a part of something wonderful but more importantly meet others who share the same love of the message and the messenger.
End of part 2..
3.0 Family, friends, groups and rejection
In 1978 I was born into the great McAllister clan in the capital of California. I thought it was great, being part of celtic heritage and being mostly Scottish from both parents. Sadly my relatives didn't share this same fondness for the culture. Man it would've been awesome to grow up being used to wearing a kilt. To make it worse I was the only Coats boy on either side of my large family. My mother had 4 brothers and a sister that never had children. My father had two sisters, just the same as I. This would be the start of much mockery by those that share my blood. I tried so hard to befriend them, but later I finally realized I was just an annoyance. I always made them uncomfortable. The first group to reject me!
Growing up in a poor part of the city, I was exposed to different ethnicities and had a few Black, Mexican, and Oriental friends. I got along with them really well as we could just have fun. There was a black kid named Joseph, who would smile everytime we saw each other. Years later when we were teenagers, I believe, same smile but we never got close. One I remember fairly well, a Mexican American kid named Michael. We spent a lot of time together and got close. We'd challenge each other, neither were to able best the other and were amazed at how much we had in common. One day the local crack house burned down and all of a sudden Michael had new friends. I tried to hang out with them, but they gave me an ultimatum to not tell anyone they were hanging out in the burnt out house. Well my dad forced me to tell him where I was. The bastard knew. One of a number of friends lost.
I gained some friends in the local ward which friendships lasted for quite some time into early adulthood. They introduced me to things like dungeons and dragons and foam sword making. Man it felt good to have friends again, but they hardly had time to hang out as they almost always slacked from their chores. They ended up being more acquaintances and we eventually fell away from each other. One even committed suicide. At the time I couldn't be there for him, we hadn't been close for a couple of years.
As a teenager trying to deal with life and figure out who I was, I developed a persona to help me cope. Rejected by the rocker group at one school I switched to another. I decided to start wearing fancier clothes with darker hews and put on make-up. I held myself with a stoic demeanor and became very locked away. The only ones that seemed to want me to hang with them at school were the lesbians. Two in particular I hung out the most with: a half Iranian and a german exchange student. They were so fun to be around and no sexual attraction, well not between me and either of them. I wanted to hang out with them outside of school and invited them to a church dance. We weren't old enough to go clubbing. At the time, cards and interviews were mandatory. Fuck me! I wasn't trying to convert them, but the process was uncomfortable for them. Back at school they couldn't look me in the eye and another of their girlfriends came over to tell me off and go away. I asked them if they all thought that way….they said nothing and couldn't look at me. I got up, walked away and never saw them again. Fuck! Not again! So much anger and anguish, I went somewhere to allow my emotions flow out and have a messy make-up face! Despite this, I still have a deep respect for them just because they could accept me for who I was.
Next: marriage, and you guys!
3.1 Family, friends, groups and rejection
When I was almost twenty years old I would serve a mission in Frankfurt Germany. I thought "oh yes" I get to be a part of something awesome! People then tried to convince me it's going to be difficult. Once I was there I found that if I just helped people and talked with them, they were very nice! My companions couldn't understand why I wasn't trying to "convert" people. My fellow missionaries became the "difficult" ones to deal with. Only one or two of my companions could actually pretend acceptance. I lost sleep almost every night. About the only thing that helped and gave me solus was performing community services. I've mentioned this before, but I feel it's worth repeating. Playing with refugee children from former Yugoslavia! Later I found out why this was so neat, as the adults from these countries were warring with each other, yet here were all these kids from different countries playing together.
Near the end of my mission the president was the most honest he had ever been with me. He told me he never received any revelation about what to do with me, where to put me, who I should be partnered with. My first thought was, does God not even know me? Had God rejected me? The president also confessed to me something about my most uncomfortable companionship. He partnered me up with him due to our last names, Winterton and Coats. He thought it would be funny!! I just sat there with my stoic expressionless face. It was funny! The humility of this man to confess something like that to a little boy. For that alone I'll always respect him, however, I found out recently he died well before I discovered the MWAW. God I would have liked to have seen him and shown him my child-like behavior.
I would get home and find there was a girl that was waiting for me. "Oh yeah!" I thought I finally get to have sex! Out of respect for the mother of my oldest children I'm not going to go into any detail that would embarrass her, which she asked of me. We had a child 2 years into our marriage then were pregnant again about 1-2 years later. Somewhere between the births of the two I could sense uncomfortableness between us and she would leave our relationship while 8 months pregnant. I don't blame her for such a decision. When she told me I was kinda happy. I tried so hard to not to be aggressive of my needs and push sex on her and can only imagine her perspective. I was also having a very hard time dealing with church at the time due to my experiences during my mission. I knew that bothered her and caused her to feel I was no longer worthy of the priesthood, which I might have told her so. I tried so hard to make it work for the children's sake, but as time went on I found my presence only made things worse. As time went on I bounced around from ward to ward trying to find a place to fit in, each time being told to leave. I felt I had been rejected by my birth family, the family I tried to make and now God yet again. As things transpired I was left with a car, a suitcase of clothes, my guitar and computer, and a couple hundred dollars. I tried to keep my job and luckily I found some guys willing to let me sleep on the couch for a few months. Depression was so great that I couldn't eat or sleep much. I think I got down to about 160 pounds.
To cope I went on long walks all night long to think and tried to bring back that stoic persona I developed while a teenager. During this time someone I was close to killed himself. He went painlessly and his funeral was beautiful. He was way more musical than I and was even in a band and known by many musicians in the greater Sacramento area. A black gentleman walked in during his eulogy, placed a rose on his casket and walked back out. There was then a song played that his band had composed and when I heard him harmonize with the lead singer, I lost it. I didn't care if I was embarrassing or looked ridiculous to others, nor did I leave to hide my emotions. It was all just too much to keep in.
Even through all that I was able to hold it together. I would try something I'd never done before, I try to do some modeling. I was really into fantasy and stories like Lord of the Rings. The guys I was staying with found a girl on a Mormon dating site that claimed to be related to Liv Tyler. I started talking with her and she thought I would look good dressed up as an elf. I thought "Hell YEAH!" I get to be in the hobbit. Did the photo shoot, paid the photographer, had my mom make a costume out of "Hot Pink?" my younger sister did my hair, which at this point went almost down to my waist, then showed the photos to the person and all I got was a "wow" those are nice pictures. Later I found out the person was not who they claimed to be. I was devastated, but was like I've still got these cool pictures of me as an elf. The only other person to show up at the shoot was my current wife where we met for the first time.
Turns out my wife and I had been in the same place a couple times before the photo shoot, but I didn't recognize her. The first time was at a new year's dance one month after my ex had left. I was so engrossed in my thoughts I couldn't hear the music nor anyone else talking. I felt eyes on me! It was a subtle and soft feeling as though there was someone pulling my emotions towards them. I immediately locked eyes with her and made a face associated with my stoic persona and thought "Don't tempt me little girl!" Later she told me she didn't realize she was looking at me so intently was thinking just how much she wanted to heal me. The next time was when I was performing for a chamber choir college class. For the course I was part of a barber shop quartet. Now that was fun! She said she was there in the audience, but I had all eyes on me at that moment and couldn't discern that same magnetism I felt the first time. It would be months from the photo shoot to when we met again during which I couldn't stop thinking about her. We met around my birthday, she made a pie, but we took things slow. Perhaps not slow enough as only about a month went by when we both knew we were ready! She healed me alright! Oh, and I got fat! (She's a culinary artist)
We tried getting into a group called Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA). Came up with a name to register with the group which cost more than I was willing to pay. Went to more events which cost money for each one. Found a blacksmithing group, helped them get everything back in working order, then everyone seemed to show up to do some bs, that's total bs I thought. Trying to be a part of the society was simply way too costly to even do anything and if you weren't paying and attending, well I just didn't get that welcoming feeling so we left. No hard feelings.
In 2014 I'd find a series of books that opened my eyes to a new way of looking at things and an understanding of why I'd experienced my life the way I did. All the rejection made sense, however I wasn't about to be rejected by something so beautiful, so I stayed away. I watched from a distance and I felt so drawn it was painful to stay away. Eventually I lost my opportunity to make contact and I thought "it was meant to be!" Finding the Real Illuminati site back in June made my heart soar. At first I didn't understand what it was until I saw familiar phrases and realized "holy shit!" They've all put it together. The plan is coming together like nothing I'd seen or dreamed.
"Get to know these people!"
No truer words have ever been spoken to me in my life! For those reading this should know when and by whom said these words to me. At the time I didn't know the impact it would have on my soul. An invitation to be friends. My last family. For those reading and care, you ARE the greatest family, group, friends i could have ever hoped for. It's only been a couple months since you've known me, but I feel closer to you all then I have with anyone else. Advanced avatar friendships aside this is what I, Wesley Coats, have needed.
Part 4 coming soon
Part 5 coming soon